


Only love can hurt like this

by CasualWinchester



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy is home, Bellarke, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt Clarke, More characters to be added, More tags to be added, Outer Space, Protective Bellamy, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-05-21 21:45:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualWinchester/pseuds/CasualWinchester
Summary: 4 years into Clarke's isolation, a mysterious crew kidnaps her from home, only to whisk her into space. Waking up she finds that she is once again back where it all began, in a cold metal cell on the icy concrete floor.Little did she know, her most thought of dream is only feet away.





	1. Chapter One

Chapter One: 

_One thousand_ _.... eight_ _hundred.... and_ _seventy-five_

The machine crackles in my hand.

Still nothing.

It had been over four years and yet... I still try. Even though every attempt ends in completely nothing. 

Madi crosses to my side, hand taking its daily place on my hand. Closing over mine and taking the crackling machine away. Taking away my last link to them... to  _him_.

"They will come back." Madi whispers. An echo of the same thing she has said every day since I gained her trust. They will come back.

That's if they are even out there. I couldn't be sure if they were even alive if they even survived the dangerous trip up there. It was up to me to get them there, and I only hope I managed to do the one thing they needed from me.

"I know they will," I say to Madi, after what felt like hours. I knew it had only been mere seconds, as I have grown accustomed to time passing slowly. It feels like that way when you are the only one left on earth. 

It got better when Madi came along, but even she couldn't sooth the lonely sleepless nights. 

I shake the thought from my head, burying the memories of those months spent with only myself. I couldn't let them take over, it would do me no good to sink that low again. Plus, I have Madi, and she makes all that time I spent alone, worth it.  

If I never got through that, then I would never have her in my life. 

I push myself off the rock that I had been sitting on, Madi the following suit. "I think it's time you head to bed,"  I say to the young girl; whose face falls immediately. 

"But-" 

I shake my head to silence her. "We had a long day, and tomorrow we are going to hunt so I need you well rested." I reach a hand out for her, which she takes silently. I knew she was going to be stroppy the whole way back to camp. Even after all the time we have been together, Madi still didn't like having rules after surviving on her own for so long. 

But she went along with it because she knew that I was doing my best to look out for her. Just as she does for me.

"Will you be in soon?" Madi asks as I lead her down the hill back home. "I know you didn't sleep much last night." I tense slightly as she speaks.

I had hoped she would've slept through me sneaking out of the trailer. 

"In a little while Madi, I still have some things to do." I slightly lie. I didn't have anything that important that needed doing but trying to sleep at night is hard. So lying there with nothing to do but reflect back on my memories, always made me uncomfortable. So, I came up with the solution of keeping myself busy until I am about to drop dead.

Madi huffs a little in answer, knowing fine well what I was up too. 

"Fine... but if you insist on staying awake, will you draw me another picture?" Madi asks, running her hand over a string of blue banners as we cross the threshold into the camp. 

I look down at her, to see her already looking up at me with wide pleading eyes. "Another picture? of who?" I ask, knowing she was referring to one of the characters in the "stories" I tell her. 

She grins. "The prince and the underground warrior." She is almost jumping in excitement. It makes me smile, even though there is a tugging sensation in my gut. 

I don't know why I didn't guess that she wanted me to draw them. Out of everyone, they were the ones she loved the most. 

Octavia, the underground warrior. Spent her life hidden underground for her own protection, only to become one of the strongest warriors out there. Fighting for her own self and loving her people along the way.

And then the prince... Bellamy. 

The prince, set on a lifelong task to protect the warrior, by the queen, hiding her from the even men who wanted her gone. Only to triumph over those evil men, getting his revenge and becoming a very powerful protector and leader. 

Madi loved that story. She wanted me to draw Bellamy and Octavia all the time, not yet knowing the pain it caused. I was happy to go through any pain to make Madi happy though and being able to sit and focus all my attention on keeping Bellamy's name alive in me, was some way of making me feel better.

It was like a sick form of torture. 

And, like a punishment. A way of me punishing myself for failing to keep them alive, even if I'm still unsure if I didn't.

"Clarke?" Madi prompts after a moment of silence. She looked worried for me, but the hopeful look in her eye is still very clear. 

I take a shaky breath before smiling at her. "Of course, I will." I lean down slightly to press a kiss to the top of her head. "Now.  Off to bed."  I let go of her hand before pulling her into a half-armed hug. "I'll be in there soon; your drawing will be done by the morning." Madi grins before hurrying off to where the trailer sits. 

I watch as she climbs inside and shuts the door before I begin to move towards where the fire is still blazing. 

Next, to the small chairs set around the fire, my notebook and charcoal sit waiting for me. One of the many things I had been able to find in the ruins of earth were stacks of paper, I don't know who owned them or why they were there, but I was so glad that they were, and I found them before it was too late. 

I throw another load of sticks onto the fire, trying to keep it going for as long as I was going to be awake. 

After that, I take a seat on one of the colorfully decorate chairs that I had found when I first got here. Once I'm sat, I lean down to pick up my art stuff, the paper and charcoal feeling so familiar in my hand in a place that still felt still new to me. 

It felt nice. 

As soon as the charcoal touched the paper, time seemed to fade away. I started drawing Octavia first, knowing that it would take longer for me to draw her. Sometimes it was hard to remember the specific details about the Blake sister, but after a while of trying, I am soon able to get something that is her. 

Bellamy on the other hand. 

Drawing him was like second nature to me now. I had drawn him so much over the past four years, that I barely even had to think as the charcoal spread across the paper. 

A sudden sound in the trees is the only thing that brings me out of my muse. 

It was such a sudden noise in the usual quiet of the night. It didn't sound like any animal, as I was very aware of what each animal in the valley sounded like. 

The noise sounds again. 

It sounded like footsteps. 

I drop the pad of paper to the ground, little puffs of charcoal spring up at the impact. 

I feel my hand reach for the dagger attached to my hip, knowing that my gun was in the trailer with Madi.

It felt sort of silly. Standing there, looking for a person to come out of the trees, when I knew for a fact that no other human would be able to live on this earth for around another year. 

It couldn't even be anyone from the bunker, there was no way of them getting out with the building on top of them. 

So surely there was no way it could be anyone? Maybe my mind had finally given in and I was about to go mad. 

However, a split second after that though, it was proven wrong. 

Out from the trees across from me, a figure, standing out in a bright orange space suit, makes there way through the trees. 

I feel myself freeze. 

My body seemed to be shutting down. Seeing another person here, that was not Madi, seemed to be more than I could handle. 

I could see the moment the figure spotted me. Standing in front of the fire, being able to breathe in the toxic air without a suit. 

I couldn't see the face of the person in the suit, but I could see the moment they brought their wrist up to their hand, speaking something into it to someone I couldn't see. 

The person then takes a step towards me, prompting me to take a step back, only to find myself hitting against something.

Hands grab mine, pulling them behind my back and attaching cold metal restraints to keep me there. 

As if being kicked into survival mode, my body moves without me thinking of it. Thrashing against the person behind me and the restraints on my hands. My legs kick out, knocking the chair into a pile of copper pots drying by the fire, making a large clanging noise. 

I hoped Madi didn't wake up. I didn't want them to take her too. 

The person behind me grabs me tightly, pinning me to their body, whilst the first person comes forward, pulling something out from a small sack around their waist. It looked like a silver metal collar. 

I thrash my head back, trying to land a hit to the person behind me, but they were too tall, so all I did was hit against their shoulder.

The first person comes right up to me, allowing me the chance to see a slight figure inside the helmet before the collar is being attached around my neck. 

As soon as the metal locks into place, I'm being dropped to the ground. 

"Prisoner is restrained." The man behind me speaks into the speaker on his wrist. "Preparing home flight." The men stand still for a moment, waiting for orders or something from whoever they are talking too. 

As they wait, I allow my eyes to glance over at the trailer. 

I tense as I see, Madi. 

She is standing at the door, only slightly coming into view as she points a gun in the direction of one of the men. 

Fear takes over me. 

I can't let them get her. I couldn't in danger like this. 

Madi meets my eyes, just as I start to shake my head.

_"I'll be okay. Stay hidden."_  I mouth to her, knowing she would be able to see it, without much light. 

I could see her face, she looked torn.

I was terrified that she wasn't going to listen to me.

The last thing I needed was to start a war with whoever these people are. 

To my luck, Madi drops the gun and dips back inside the trailer no undoubtedly going into the hole underneath it. 

It seemed to be just in time too. 

I'm suddenly being pulled up from the ground. Coming face to face with the first man I saw. 

"Try anything funny, and we'll throw you out to space." He growls before a needle is being stuck in my neck. 

I feel myself going limp in their arms. 

There was a little pain that came from the needle, but I couldn't concentrate on that.

What did they mean by space? 


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

My face was pressed roughly against concrete flooring, the stone scratching my cheek painfully. 

The light in the room made it hard for me to open my eyes, they were still feeling groggy from whatever drugs they used. The light was not anything natural like I was used to, it was more like what the first seventeen years of my life were like, dark, artificial light. 

Some silly part of me wondered for a fleeting moment if the past couple of years had all been a dream. That I had never been sent down to earth, that I never met so many of these amazing people.

That Finn, and Jasper... and Wells, were all alive.

But the ever-present guilt buried deep within me from everything I have done, is still there, as vivid as ever. 

All those things did happen, and most of it was my fault alone, or I had some part in it. 

I push those thoughts aside. There was no time to think about that now. I needed to be alert and decide what I was going to have to do to get out of this situation. Madi needed me to get back to her. 

I also needed it, more than ever. I think this is the longest I've been away from her since we had met, and it made me very uncomfortable. 

I push myself up now, wanting to get a better look at my surroundings. 

There wasn't much to look at, not even a toilet was offered to me in the room. The only thing there was a small metal bench that must be my version of a bed. 

The look of the cold metal makes me shiver and it is only then that I notice just how cold it was in here, and I had nothing on but a t-shirt and some slacks. At some point, as I was drawing, I had even kicked my shoes off. 

I could see a large black patch on my foot, meaning that I had been injured enough to bleed. A moment after noticing the blood, I begin to feel my foot throbbing. 

I go to move it, only to find myself crying out in pain. 

It must be sprained, maybe even broken. 

I bite into my lip to muffle the other pained noises that escape my lips. 

A noise outside the door makes me look up from my foot. There were people talking quickly to each other. It was muffled, and I couldn't hear them all too well, but from what I could hear, thankfully, they were not talking about finding Madi. 

A second later the door opens.

A rough looking woman, with dirty blonde hair, tied in a low ponytail behind her head, comes in.

She looks down at me, looking a little unimpressed with my battered appearance. "I told you no harm." She states, her face barely moving as she speaks. 

A man comes in behind her, he didn't look like he belonged beside someone like that woman. He looked worried and a little upset as he looked at me. 

"I told them, but it seems they didn't listen." The man kneels next to me, his hand coming out towards me. 

I flinch back away from his hand, not trusting him anywhere near me. The quick motion makes me whimper as my foot drags across the rough ground. 

The man immediately holds up his hands in surrender. "I'm not going to hurt you -... I just wanted to take that off." He points a finger towards my neck. 

I shake my head. "I need to leave," I growl back. He seemed shocked that I knew how to speak English, I don't know why he would be surprised. 

He looks wary. "We can't let you leave- you will die." He answers.

I flinch.

I couldn't die.

I had to stay alive just long enough to make sure Madi would be safe and find out if I ever managed to save my friends. 

"Please- I just, I need to get back to her... she is basically my daughter." To my horror, I find tears in my eyes. 

It just shows that I have been away from people for too long. It was fine showing emotion around Madi because she understood- but these people are strangers, maybe even dangerous.

The stern looking woman seems to take an interest after that. "There are more of you?" She comes down to kneel next to the man. "How do you survive the radiation?" The kinder looking man shoots her a glare. 

"After what we've done to her, she is not going to talk." He reasons with her. 

The woman looks fed up. "We will compromise with her, once she tells us how she and her people survive on that planet- which, we were so recently told, was completely taken over by radiation." My mind lingers on her words for a moment, how did she find out? Who told her? 

The man turns to me, pleading with his eyes for me to go along with it. "Please, just tell us. As soon as we know, you will be able to go home to your daughter." He pleads.

I know he was just trying to get me to talk by hitting my weak spot, but I could feel myself crumbling. He knew how to work me, Madi would always be my downfall now. 

"My blood," I whisper, motioning with my head towards my foot. "I-" 

Both stand, interrupting me before I could go into an explanation of night blood. 

By the looks on their faces, it seemed they already knew what it was. 

"Get her to medic- before she goes anywhere, I want samples of her blood... I don't care if you have to take it by force." The woman barks back at the guards. 

I flinch back from her, watching as two guards come in, one holding a large mechanical remote in his hand. 

"No- what are you, get away from me!" I ignore the screaming pain in my foot as I shove myself back.  

The guard with the remote smiles at my struggle. 

He pushes down on the remote.

I'm hit with a pain so intense that my head feels like it's going to explode and my teeth clench down on my lip, cutting into it. I was barely able to move to allow the trapped screams out of my mouth. 

When the pain stopped, I slumped down onto the ground, my head hitting hard against the concrete. 

Everything fades out and I'm suddenly no longer aware.  


	3. Chapter Three

  
Chapter Three

  
Bellamy:

  
My eyes lingered on the small patch of green.

  
The only color left on earth, hopefully, will be our home when it's time to make our way back down.  
A year ago, I would be wondering if we would ever make it back down. The news that we were going to have problems with the ship, caused my heart to fall to my stomach when Raven broke the news. I didn't want to leave my sister underground for longer than I needed. I also couldn't leave Abby believing that her daughter would make a safe return. Even though I promised I would make sure that happened.

  
I didn't want to be the person who had to give her the news, but I knew I had too. It was unspoken that I would be the one to tell her. I couldn't imagine any of the others doing so.

  
"Blake." A gruff voice calls my name from behind me.

  
I tear my eyes away from the window, the only window that would show me both earth and the ring. "What?" I look at the man who the voice belonged too. He was larger than me and looked a little rough around the edges, but I knew him better. Bowie was only on this prison ship as the crime he committed was sever, but in my case, justified. I would do the same if someone hurt my family like that.

  
"They want you on duty... some highly sensitive case or something like that." He shrugs, the movement telling me that he had no idea what it was about, thankfully showing that he was just keeping something from me.

  
I sigh, nodding my head once, before getting up. "How many on guard?" I ask Bowie. I could guess how severe the situation was if I knew how many people were going to be on guard.

  
Bowie pulls a face. "Twenty, lining up the corridor leading to the private medic quarters." He makes a gesture with his hands. "They even brought Murphy and Emori on to help, and that barely ever happens."

  
I look over at him, trying to decide if he was lying or not. His comment about that never happening was true at least. 

I think the last time they were called in was when a fight broke out with some of the sleeping prisoners that had woken up. They weren't allowed out of the room as they were some of the most dangerous prisoners on the ship. They didn't agree with it so we had to bring in everyone we could to get them to calm down.

  
Murphy and Emori's jobs were not to be guards.

  
Each of us from the ground had a job to do.

  
It was part of the peace agreement we made with the prisoner ship. It ensured us a trip home when the earth was livable again, whilst them also using our skills to their advantage. Our help would keep them running long enough to keep the place functioning until our return to earth.

  
Echo and I were the only ones supposed to be guards, but Murphy and Emori offered themselves when and if they needed an extra pair of hands.  
Raven helped them whenever something to do with the ship was malfunctioning, Harper was in the Medic wing, and Monty helped out in preparing the meals for everyone.  
The conversation between Bowie and I dulled after that.

  
We just continued to walk in comfortable silence until we reached the door that led to the private medic room. There were already many people standing outside of the door, armed to the teeth with weapons. All of them looked just as confused as I did.

  
It wasn't hard to find Murphy.

  
He was standing right beside the door, his body turned slightly towards it as if trying to head what was going on inside. "Murph," I say as I approach him, Bowie continues to walk down the row of people, probably returning to his point.

  
Murphy turns to me, watching as I lounge against the wall across from him. "Any idea as to what they are hiding?" He asks, motioning behind him with his thumb.  
I shake my head. "No, but I'm going to find out," I promise him.

  
I was not going to sit back and allow them to keep secrets from us, especially when we have this treaty. If I found out they were doing anything we didn't agree on, the treaty would be over and we would go back to our original plan of finding fuel somewhere else.

  
I'd rather be late than stoop as low as these prisoners.

  
"Good. I don't trust these guys." He glares at one of the guards closest to us. "I don't even want to know what they are doing to the poor guy in there."

  
That takes me back. "You saw them bring someone in?" I ask Murphy.

  
It didn't even occur to me that someone would be in there. Who knows what they are even doing.

  
"Yeah, they had a sheet covering them. There was something odd about it- whoever it was, was attached to a machine." He comments, gaining the attention of the next guard over. It was another guard that I was familiar with. He was simply in prison for fraud, but was in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up on this ship.

  
"He's lying." The guard comments. "They only bring the dead to this room." Murphy silences him with a glare.

"Well obviously that is a lie, why would they have so many guards here, just for someone who is already dead?" Murphy snaps at him, looking like he was ready to punch the guy in the face.

  
"We'll hopefully find out soon enough." Suddenly Echo is beside us. She, unlike, everyone else, had been equipped with knives instead of guns. She was currently flipping one around in her hand.

  
"What'd ya mean?" The guard asks.

  
Echo doesn't even look at him before answering. "They've got Harper in there, she's been assigned to help them out." She explains.

  
For some reason, my whole body floods in relief.

  
With Harper in there, I know nothing will happen that I don't want to happen. She is smart and will know what is wrong enough for this treaty to break. I will follow whatever she says.

  
Even if it means being late.


	4. Chapter Four

 

Chapter Four: 

Clarke: 

 

My body feels like Led the next time my eyes open. 

Unlike last time, I am not met with the cold, dark light of a prison cell, but with the bright openness of a hospital room.

It takes me a moment of panic to suddenly realise where I am. 

Stuck as a prisoner and a lab rat in a strange place that may possibly be in space. 

I wasn't very sure of anything right now. 

Even if this place wasn't in space, how did these people survive the blast? It's clear they do not have night blood as they clearly only want me around for that purpose. 

I wasn't even sure how long I had been here. But the continuous ache in my body tells me that it has been a while. 

How much of my blood have they taken? 

I press my hands down into the bed, resting my upper body strength. I find that I have just enough strength to push my body up, with the help of the wall behind me. 

But it was clear to me that I was no way strong enough to stand. Just sitting up has my head spinning, causing a sick feeling to rise in my stomach.

Nothing comes up though, I'm not sure I've eaten enough to have anything in my stomach in the first place. Thankfully though, the feeling passes soon and I am left staring at my body, lying in a hospital bed, that reminded me of Mount Weather. 

I couldn't see much else, as there was a light green curtain pulled around me. 

Just beside me was a table, holding only a jug of water and an empty cup. If my mouth could water at the sight, it would, but I find that my throat is raw and scratchy. It's clear that it hasn't been used in a while. 

The survivor mode in me doesn't want to touch it though. I can't trust these people, not when they have only been using me for my blood. 

Suddenly, I pick up the sound of voices coming from somewhere behind the left side of the curtain. 

I could tell they were both females, but that was about it. 

My hand flashes to my hip automatically, believing a weapon to be there only for my hand to meet nothing. 

The panic inside me begins to rise as the voices get closer. I am very aware that I am stuck in a volatile situation with no weapon to my name. 

I tuned out the voices as I look around for anything that I could use to protect myself. 

Once again, the only thing I could see was the glass jug. 

The curtain around me had just begun to move when my hand flies out to grab the jug handle, ready to use it to my advantage. 

However, when I see the two girls walk in, I find myself frozen. 

"Harper?" 

My voice comes out raspy and it hurts my dry throat to speak, but I couldn't help myself. 

She looks no different to the last time I saw her... well, perhaps a little older. Her face is less tense now, but I guess that's what comes when you live in a world without war or people trying to kill you at any moment. 

At the sound of her name, Harper stops her current conversation. 

Her eyes slowly make their way up my body until she finds my face. Her eyes meet mine, and in them, I could see that she had not quite seemed to realise what was going on. 

Until she did. 

The tray of tools she was carrying (that I hadn't seemed to notice), falls to the floor with a loud clatter of metal. 

The second woman in the room looks stunned at Harper before turning to look at me. I couldn't see her face as I was finding it hard to look away from Harper. 

"You-" Harper's voice trails off, she seemed unable to form words. 

The stranger, however, didn't seem so speechless. "Wait... you know her? from down on earth?" The stranger puts a hand on Harper's arm. "We didn't know- she was found living in the last surviving forest on earth." 

A shaky breath comes out of Harper. 

"How?" She asks, shaking off the woman's hand in order to step closer to me. 

I rest my head back against the wall, ignoring Harper for a moment, in order to breath a sigh of relief and allowing a little of my four years worth of worry, fall from my shoulders. 

Not all of it- just a little, now that I know at least one of them survived.

After giving myself a moment to come to terms with this, I open my eyes again, ready to face Harper. 

"I made it back to the lab-"

"Before we left! Clarke-" 

"No!" I hold my hands up to stop her. "I couldn't have made it back- there was no time... I'm glad you managed to get away." I could feel my voice becoming thick as I spoke. "I had to climb the tower in order to get it to work- if you had waited, you would've died." I shut my eyes at the image. 

Sure I imagined that they may have been dead because of me being too slow, but to have been there- knowing for sure they were dead, whilst I was still alive.

Before I know it, I'm blinking away tears. "Please tell me-" 

Harper strides over and pulls me into what feels like a motherly hug and suddenly it's like a dam breaking in me. "Are they okay?" I manage to get out through the sobs wracking my frame. My hands come up to grab onto the simple grey jumper she was wearing and using that hold to pull her closer. 

I feel her nodding from where my head rests on her shoulder. "You saved us all- again." She says breathlessly. "We all thought you were dead." Her hand is rubbing my back comfortingly as I cry into her shoulder, probably ruining her jumper.

I shake my head. "I lived, the nightblood saved me," I tell her, before freezing. 

Harper senses the change in mood so she pulls back to look me in the eye. "What is it?" She asks, but I can't look at her, my eyes are too focused on the stranger in the room.

She looked a little awkward to be in here during the little reunion. "What are you going to do with me?" I ask her, making her snap back to attention. 

She looks down. "Nothing- they've taken enough blood, for now, Harper and I were sent in to put a brace on your leg- your foot is broken pretty badly." The stranger steps forward to place a hand on my foot but I  flinch from her touch. 

Harper put a hand on my knee. "Don't worry Effie, I've got it from here- actually send for Raven, she has more experience with this." A flare of warmth bursts in my chest at the mention of the girl. 

How was Raven? was she still the girl I knew her to be, or was she better now that she didn't have to constantly think about war and death. 

This Effie woman nods once before scurrying over to the door. She enters a code before opening the door. I could see that just outside of the door, stands several guards with guns. The sight immediately makes me on edge.

Harper senses this.

"Don't worry, it's for your safety and Echo is out there so nothing will happen." The smile Harper gives me tells me that she expects me to be comforted by that. 

I choose not to comment on it, for now, Echo has probably changed in the four years she has been up there with the others. I don't want to start anything with her now and ruin the peace they must all have together. 

The thought of all of them being up there and moving on with their lives brings a stinging pain to my stomach and causes me to look down at the bed sheets. 

"So how exatly did you survive?" Harper asks, quickly pulling back the curtain to grab a chair from behind it, dragging it over to the side of the bed with her. Before she sits down, I watch as she pours water from the glass jug that moments before, I was ready to attack her with.  "Here, I'm pretty sure if you don't drink up, you'll have no tears left to cry." She smiles before handing the cup over to me. 

I take the cup from her hands, my body sighing in relief at the thought of water. 

I gulp the whole thing down, ignoring the little dribbles that miss my mouth in my hurry to drink down the water. 

Harper waits patiently for me to finish, but I could see she was on the edge of her seat wanting to know what happened. 

Once the water was done, I let the cup fall into my lap. I take a deep breath, before turning to look at her. 

"I made it back to the Lab seconds before the death wave fully hit," I tell her before reaching down to grab onto the white shirt I seemed to be wearing. Using what little strength I had, I pulled the shirt up slightly to show one of the burn scars that stubbornly wouldn't go away. "But I took some damage... I was out for days, maybe even months, from what I know." I gulp around the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. "After that, I began to explore a little before making my way to the bunker..." I let my head fall. 

"Did they not make it?" Harper whispers, horror-laced in her voice. 

I shake my head slowly. "I don't know... there is too much rubble for me to move, they are trapped inside." Tears are building in my eyes again. "I was alone pretty much after that... I was the last person alive on the ruined surface of the earth... it almost became too much." My voice is beginning to break. 

Harper reaches out to take my hand. 

"I was desperate... I had nothing to eat or drink, I had lost my mother, my friends and my-" 

My voice cuts off as my brain allows my mind to wander to the one person I try my hardest not to think about. 

It was the first time I was able to fully believe that he was okay.

"Bellamy?" I turn to Harper. "He is okay?" I ask hopefully, catching Harper off guard at the sudden change of topic.

"Of course..." Harper looks like she wants to say more, but she stops herself, probably hoping I would continue. 

Without my control, my body slumps in relaxation against the wall, the hole in my chest that was carved when I saw that rocket take off, is now finally full again. "Thank god." I whimper, tears escaping again. 

Bellamy is okay, he didn't die.

"Clarke-"

"I almost killed myself." I burst out, ready to continue my story before Harper could ask me anything about Bellamy and why I was so worried. "I had nothing left, I had no hope of surviving... I was ready just to end it all- then I found Eden." I smile as I think of my home.

I think of Madi, and how she is probably going out of her mind clearing the place up and making sure everything is stocked up for me when she finally finds me again. That happened before, a time when I had gone fishing and ended up tripping and hitting my head, I was passed out for a while and by the time I woke up and got home, Madi had made the place almost sparkle. 

"It is the last surviving patch of green on earth. A little alley that was missed by the death wave. It had fresh water and more food for just one person- then I found Madi." Harper flinches at the name of another person. 

"She was a little nightblood girl who had survived the death wave and the radiation, she was six when I found her... took a little while for her to trust me, but now- she is probably the only reason I am alive today." My words are beginning to come out thick as I tell the story about Madi.

Harper squeezes my hand. The look on her face tells me she understands that I'm worried about not seeing the young girl again. 

"Clarke, as soon as the others realise this, they will fight tooth and nail for them to go get her." I hadn't even told Harper that Madi was still down on earth, or that she was still even alive. "Bellamy will make sure of it."

My chest constricts at her words. 

"Can I-"

The door suddenly swings open. "Harper, I have no idea why you would send for me to help with something medical." Raven calls in as she and Effie enter the room. 

Almost as soon as she steps into the room, Raven stops dead in her tracks. 

"Holy shit." 


	5. Chapter Five

 

Chapter Five

Harper:

 

As soon as Raven set her eyes on Clarke, I let go of Clarke's hand. It would be best to give them this moment in private.

I smile one last time at Clarke before making my way past Raven and over to Effie, who was still standing awkwardly at the door. "Let's go, she's in good hands," I tell Effie, taking a gentle hold of her hand and guiding her out of the door. 

I knew what I had to do next. 

I had to tell the others what had happened. I doubt Emori and Echo would care that much but I know Monty, Murphy and especially Bellamy will be over the moon. 

"Harper." Speaking of Echo. 

I turn to see the girl in question, standing in her correct guard position. I notice Murphy not too far down the line of guards. 

"I'll explain later Echo." I say to her before walking past. I head down the line until I reach Murphy. "Have you seen Bellamy?" I asl him. 

He looks confused, he probably saw Raven walk into the room a moment ago. "I've seen him around, not sure specifically where he has gone, try looking for Monty." He puts his hand on my arm. "What is going on Harper?" 

I pull him in a little closer so no one around could hear us. I didn't need everyone knowing that we knew Clarke, not until Bellamy knew.  He is the main one of us to who discusses things with the council. I want him to confront them for what happened to Clarke before they have the time to cover it up. 

"Clarke is alive," I whisper to him whilst keeping my eyes on the people around us. They seem to not be paying attention to us, but  I still don't trust anyone. "I'll explain properly later- just... I need to find Bellamy." I back away from the shocked Murphy, who is now staring wide-eyed at the door he was just guarding. 

I turn away from him there.

I already know of a couple places that Bellamy might be, but it almost seems like I can't get there quick enough. 

I don't know how Bellamy is going to react to this. 

He has been so consumed by guilt for the past four years over Clarke. He tries to hide it, but a couple of us can see straight through his lies. 

Raven and I can see it the most. It all became clear to the both of us long before coming back to space that Bellamy's feelings for Clarke have been more than just friendly. 

Both of us had a bet on how long it would take the two of them to get together when we finally got to space. We never spoke of it again when we left Clarke behind. We were all in mourning and bringing up the fact that the one Bellamy loved was now dead, didn't seem to be a good idea. 

But, now... perhaps the bet will be back on.

I have a feeling that as soon as they reunited, we were going to have a hard time getting them away from each other. 

And considering the way Clarke reacted to Bellamy being alive and here, there is no doubt in my mind that she feels the same way about him as Bellamy feels for her. 

It makes me smile to think of it. 

After everything they have been through, they deserve the chance to be happy. 

Even if they don't know that themselves.


	6. Chapter Six

  

Chapter Six

Clarke: 

 

Raven and I sat in comfortable silence as she fastened the brace tightly around my leg. 

Raven hadn't said anything since she came in. I'm just hoping it's because of shock and not because she didn't want to see me. 

It was hard for me to stay quiet, I was just bursting with questions to ask her. I kept myself in check though because if she was just in shock, it would be better to give her the time she needs to come to terms with it. 

I was hoping Harper would come back in, perhaps it would be easier for Raven if she were here. So far Harper hasn't come back, and I could probably guess what she was doing. 

or some reason, I'm terrified for the others to know.

What if they didn't want me back? 

It had been over four years since I last saw them. Just because I was pining and wishing to see them, doesn't mean they have also been. They have probably moved on with their lives without me in it to mess everything up. But now that I'm back, they'll probably resent me for it. 

A sudden pinch on my arm snaps me out of my musings. 

"I'm guessing you don't know that you have been speaking out loud?" Raven is standing, facing me with her hands on her hips. She is glaring furiously at me. 

I snap my mouth shut. 

A habit I picked up from my time alone is speaking my thoughts out loud. Madi has gotten used to it so she tends to just nudge me if I start. 

"I-"

"Don't.you.dare." Raven says hotly, "how can you think that we wouldn't want you here? Clarke- you have no idea what it has been like to live with the guilt of leaving you down on earth." Raven throws her hands up in the air and begins to pace. "Fucking hell Clarke, we were devastated... I didn't know what to do with myself for months- Monty shut himself in the farm most of the time because he lost another of his best friends! Even Murphy took out his anger and mourning- I don't know how many times I had to stitch his hand up after he punched something too hard." Raven aggressively tightens her ponytail. "And don't get me started on Bellamy- So don't you dare think that we don't want you here." She storms over until she is right in front of me. 

Her hands grip tightly onto my shoulders. "We love you Clarke and you have no idea- no fucking idea how happy I am too-" Raven suddenly cuts off as she seems to have lost the ability to speak. 

She suddenly pulls me into a hug. "I missed you." She sobs into the fabric of my hospital gown.

I bring my hands up to wrap around her. Guilt consuming me as her words echo in my head. 

"I'm sorry," I whisper back. 

Raven shakes her head. "No- don't be sorry." She pulls back to look me in the eye. "Be glad- we're back together Clarke... we can live here in peace until it's time to go back home." Raven climbs gently onto the bed beside me, being careful of my leg. 

I smile, allowing my head to fall onto her shoulder as she reaches out to take my hand again. "I don't think I've ever spent time with you during a peaceful moment." I squeeze her hand. "What if you all realise that me without war, is really boring." Raven laughs. 

"I doubt it, Clarke. You are stuck with us all for life." I laugh with her. "Especially when Mr grump gets his hands on you." Raven's tone turns suggestive, but I'm not sure why. 

"Mr Grumps?" I ask.

Raven scoffs. "Don't pretend like you don't know." She turns us both slightly until we are looking at each other. "Bellamy, of course." 

Heat flares in my chest at the mention of him. Now that Raven was here- like truly here with me, I allowed myself to open up my mind to let in the reality that at any moment, I would get to see Bellamy again. 

Guilt also flows through me. 

I shouldn't be this worked up about seeing Bellamy again when I should be thinking more about what I am going to do about Madi. 

"Madi?" Raven asks.

I sigh. 

I really should work on not speaking my mind out loud. 

"I'll explain later," I promise her. "But for now, tell me how everyone is?" I settle back against the mattress. 

"You mean how Bellamy is?" She grins. "You don't need to hide it from me, Clarke, I know."  Raven smiles gently. 

I stare at her, not quite sure what she means. 

Before I could ask, Raven ploughs on. 

"He's great, a little older than how you must remember him... crap! maybe you can convince him to shave!" Raven looks excited by that idea. 

Bellamy with a beard? 

For some reason, I couldn't picture it. 

"But other than his looks... he misses you, Clarke, probably more than the rest of us." Raven takes my hands again. "I don't even know how he's going to be when Harper get's to him." I smile at the thought. 

"I missed him too." I look down at our hands. "I spoke to him," I admit quietly before looking up. "I found an old radio- I tried calling the ark- every day since I woke up... I wanted to believe he was alive so badly-" Raven touches my cheek with the back of her hand. 

It was then that I realised I was crying.

"Clarke" Raven sighs sadly.

"It was the only thing that kept me sane- I need him, Raven... I just-" Raven pulls me in closer until my head is tucked under her chin. 

"I know. I know." She soothes me. 

I allow myself to fall into the comfort she brings. It was a familiar comfort that I didn't know my body craved. 

It was the sort of comfort I never really got from Madi as I hid this pain from her. She was too young to have to deal with this, but it's different from Raven. She is like a sister to me- she knows me probably better than I know myself, she always seems to know what I need. 

I had never been more thankful to have her in my life. 


	7. Chapter Seven

 

Chapter Seven

Harper: 

 

It took me a while, but I had finally found Bellamy. 

I found him just as I walked into the food storage rooms. He was with Monty, they seemed to be looking at a new recipe or something. 

He was laughing at something Monty had said, and I was suddenly filled with such affection for both of the people in front of me. 

Seeing Bellamy like this, happy and enjoying time with his friends had become a rarity ever since we left Clarke. Each time I saw him laughing, it made me feel like one day he would be okay, that he would be able to move on with his life. 

Maybe this will mark the beginning of that. 

"Bellamy?" 

Both boys look over at me, my voice seemed to take them by surprise. "Harper? are you okay?" Monty stands from his chair, ready to come to my side if I needed him. 

I nod my head, taking a step further into the room. "I'm more than okay. Something has happened and-"

"It involves me?" Bellamy asks. 

The calm and happy look he had on his face had turned colder, the sort of way it did back down on earth. 

"It involves us all." I walk over to him, pulling his hand into mine. "The miners sent down a ship, to check if the radiation was fading at the rate we told them it would." I say, whilst motioning for Monty to sit down. 

"Did they get into the bunker?" Monty asks. 

I shake my head. "No, but they found an alley that still teems with life. It's where we will live when we go back down." Both Monty and Bellamy seem to deflate at my words. We were all worried over what would happen when it was time to go home. 

"Is the radiation matching our calculations?" Monty asks, resting his hand on my arm. "Can we go home soon?" His voice is filled with hope. 

"I don't know, I'm not that high in rankings here," I say softly to him. 

Bellamy lets out a small laugh. "They haven't contacted me about anything, so it must be good news." Bellamy pulls his hand from mine, bringing both of his to run through his hair. 

I could tell that he was beginning to stress over all the small little details about getting home now. 

I didn't want him to be focused completely on that, not when we now have the chance to move on and let go of the guilt that has been clouding us all for the past four years. 

"That's not all." Both of them look up at me again, but I focus my attention on Bellamy. 

I place my hands on his shoulders. "Down on earth- they did find people living there... two people were alive in the valley." I could tell that Bellamy's first thought went to Octavia. 

"How?" Monty asks. 

"They have nightblood- they survived the blast by hiding out until it was over." So far neither of them put two and two together. "They brought one of them onto the ship- she's who we've all been guarding." 

Suddenly a light flickers in Bellamy's eyes. 

"Harper-" 

The tone of his voice is hopeful. It sounded almost childlike. 

"Yes Bell, it's her... it's Clarke." I head Monty gasp but all my attention is on Bellamy. "She's okay Bell, a little beaten up but okay." 

Bellamy stands. "She's hurt- fuck!" His hands come up to his face. "Shit- she's really alive." Bellamy suddenly drops to his knees, as if he could no longer hold up his own weight. 

I kneel in front of him. "She got a little hurt on the trip up here, but I've got Raven watching over her, and Murphy on guard... she will be okay." Bellamy meets my eyes, his are filled with tears. 

"She's alive?" He breathes out. 

His face falls into his hands. 

I look up at Monty, he just seems to be staring at the ground in shock. "Yeah, Bellamy she's here and she is with us... but I need you to stay focused before we get her." Bellamy's head snaps up. 

"What?" His face has turned serious again but tears are still present on his face. 

"The people running this place still don't know she is with us, they've been using her for her blood-" 

"What." His voice was cold and angry. "If they expect this peace treaty-" Bellamy continues to ramble to himself.

The sight makes me smile. "It was nice to see such a familiar sight. Bellamy ready to start a war for the sake of keeping Clarke safe and happy.

"We need to talk to them." Monty stands up. "They didn't know she was part of us, we can talk to them peacefully and sort it all out." Bellamy stands to join Monty, wiping his eyes dry as he does so.

I stand up to join them. "I'm sure they will listen, all we need is a room for her-" 

"I'm not leaving her alone, not when they've already hurt her." Bellamy snaps, making me jump. 

I see Monty make a move to defend me but I shake my head, understanding why Bellamy was so tense. 

"I'm sure Raven will be more than happy to bunk with her."  This would be the best way to calm him down. Bellamy would trust Raven more than any of us to keep Clarke safe. 

As I expected, Bellamy nods his head in agreement. "I'll go deal with the council, I'll get Echo and Emori to back me up." Bellamy goes to walk out of the room, but Monty grabs hold of his arm before he could leave. 

"Do you think that is a good idea? Echo and Emori don't have the best relationship with Clarke." He asks.

The thought hadn't occurred to me. After spending so much time with the girls, I had forgotten what it was like back on the ground. 

Thinking about it now, I'm worried that this might be a problem. Are we going to have to really think about this? I don't want things to become tense again.

"No. I've spoken to Echo over the years- she has asked many times for a way to prove she can be forgiven." Bellamy moves away from Monty's hold. "If she does this, I will forgive her for everything." He starts walking back towards the door. "And I know Emori will help because I know that despite how he acts, Clarke means something to Murphy. She will do it for him." 

"I hope your right." Monty mumbles. 

Bellamy turns, ignoring his comment, and continues his way towards the door. 

Before he walks out of the room, he turns back to look at us.

"Please look after her until I can get back to her?" He almost whispers. "Please... I can't lose her again." The last part is so quiet, I almost didn't hear him. 

Monty takes my hand. 

I couldn't do much but to nod my head. 

The emotion coming off Bellamy right now was almost choking me. 

It's the first time I've fully been able to see just how much Clarke means to him. 

"I promise." 


	8. Chapter Eight

 

Chapter Eight

Clarke: 

 

Wearing clean clothes had never felt better. 

Raven had ordered one of the guards outside to get me something clean to wear and something to eat. 

The clothes were nothing special, just some black stretchy trousers and a pale blue shirt. It was the most comfortable thing I had worn for years. 

"So, how smart is Madi?" Raven was sitting on the bed by my feet. We were both eating some cheese and crackers as I told Raven all about Madi. "Think she'll be interested in learning things I could teach her?" She asks. 

I smile at the thought. Raven had been one of Madi's favourites in the stories I would tell. "She would love that." Raven grins. "She loves to learn and I've taught her everything I know, she could use another teacher." I nudge her leg with my good foot. 

Just then, a knock sounds on the door. 

Raven is suddenly on her feet. "Who is it?" She calls out, her hand resting on my knee in a protective way. 

The door opens slightly and Harper pokes her head in. "Just us." She steps further into the room. 

"Us?" I ask, hope blossoming in my chest. 

I hope it's not another one of the people from this ship. I don't want to see them right now. 

"Monty, Murphy and myself." Harper opens the door fuller. 

Murphy strolls into the room, looking just the same as he did the last time I saw him, only more relaxed and younger, despite the fact that he had aged four years. 

Monty comes in right behind him, holding onto Harpers' hand as he scans around the room. 

"God and they call me the cockroach." Murphy grins. 

"Shut up," I comment, trying to hide my laugh.  

To my surprise, Murphy strides over to me and yanks me up into a hug. "Still the same old Princess." He laughs into my hair. 

"Same old Murphy." I hug him tightly. Despite all that had happened in the past, I still missed him. 

He pulled back after a long moment. "Welcome back." He plays punches my shoulder before stepping back. 

"I barely get a second to breathe before Monty is pulling me into a hug. "I can't believe you are alive!" He pulls back to look me in the eye. "You look just the same- except well... this," he playfully tugs on my short locks. 

I smile back. "I needed a change." I motion for him to sit on the chair beside me. "Plus it's hard to deal with long hair in an apocalyptic world." 

"Sounds fair," Raven adds before jumping up to take her seat on my bed again. 

I look around the room after she speaks. 

My chest swells at the sight of all my friends, but there still feels like something is missing. 

And that something is Bellamy. 

Harper comes over to my side. "How about I fix your hair up for you?" She asks, obviously sensing something was wrong. "It will feel better once it's away from your face." She runs a hand through my hair. 

I open my mouth to answer, but I find that my throat is thick. 

So I chose to just nod my head instead. 

"So, Raven, how do you feel about having a roommate?" Murphy asks, whilst pulling over another chair, he sits on it before swinging his legs up to rest of Raven's knee. 

It was weird to see them getting on so well. 

Raven grins. "It sounds a lot better than sharing a room with Echo. I like the girl but it's clear she's not meant for space." she groans. "She deserves to have her own room." 

I stiffen at the mention of Echo. 

Monty seems to notice because he reaches out to take my hand. "Don't worry about it." He tells me quietly. 

Harper is suddenly pulling a comb through my hair. 

I have no idea where she got it, but the feeling of it combing through my hair was calming.

"I'm also the best one for Clarke to share with, I'm the one who has experience walking with the brace." Raven pats the brace gently. "It looks easy but my god is it tiring." 

I look at her leg now. "How is your leg?" I ask. 

She looks down at it, seeming surprised by the question. "I forget you haven't been around." She laughs before pushing Murphy's legs off her. "Almost good as new, still aches a little at night, but warm water takes it right away." She smiles brightly. 

I can't help but grin back, whilst turning my head so Harper could reach the front strands of my hair. 

"I'm glad." I begin to fiddle with a bandage that's wrapped around my arm. There are little spots of black, telling me that the bleeding hasn't fully stopped yet. 

The others fall into comfortable chatter amongst themselves, whilst I allow myself to enjoy the comforting feeling of Harper fixing my hair. 

My mind floats back to the conversation I had with Raven. 

She made it clear to me that Bellamy missed me. But a part of my brain just couldn't believe that. I don't know why, but I just can't see him caring. 

I was a thorn in his side from the moment we first landed on earth. He should be happy that he finally got away from me. All I brought to him was pain, death and war. 

Now I'm back.

I should've told Harper not to tell him. He is best not knowing that I am here. He would move on with his life. I know that he is capable of amazing things, things that I have always clouded over with my recklessness. 

I'm brought back from my musing by the sound of someone clearing their throat. 

I look up from where my eyes were resting on the bed. 

Standing by the door was both Echo and Emori. 

They both avoided looking at me as they addressed the room. "They have a room set up for the both of you." Echo announces before stepping out of the room. 

Emori stays, however, coming further into the room. 

It was then that she met my eyes. "They have ordered 7 days of rest before you will attend a meeting with the council. They will also have a guard by your door." She explains. "Most of the time it will be one of us, to allow you to feel safe." She looks at Murphy, he smiles at her and this seems to make her relax. 

"Thank you, Emori," I say softly to her. 

Seeing her in this environment was a little weird, the only thing that told me she was from the ground, was the way she looked a little uncomfortable around the machinery, and the tattoo on her face. 

"Echo and I will take you to your room- only if that is okay with you." I knew she wasn't asking permission, more like if I feel like I can trust them. 

I look at the people around me. 

They all seemed at ease with this, so clearly they believe that both Echo and Emori can be trusted enough, despite everything that has happened. 

I push myself further up the bed before yanking the blanket off me. "Of course, thank you." I nod my head, this seems to make her relax a little more. 

"Okay, well Echo is away to get you a chair, Raven and Harper would you please go set up the room? and I'll need you, boys, to go to storage and pick her up some supplies." Emori orders everyone. 

Harper smooths down a bit of my hair. "We'll see you soon." She promises before walking over and helping Raven off of the bed. 

Each of them gives me a gentle touch in goodbye until it's just Emori and me in the room. 

"Thank you," Emori says as the last of their footfalls sound in the hallway outside. 

Before I even have the chance to speak, she walks out of the room, leaving me alone.  

The silence that follows her out is almost too much to bear. 

It hadn't even been a full minute since I last saw one of my friends, but it's been enough time for me to become terrified that it wasn't real. It wouldn't be the first time I've had a dream about seeing them again, each of them all felt so real. 

The only thing filling the silence now is the sound of constant machinery working around the ship. I'm surprised that I am able to block it out after being on the ground for over six years. I guess it was just part of me. 

I look back towards the door, noticing that Emori and Echo were taking a while to retrieve the chair for me. 

It only adds fuel to the fire that is brewing inside me. 

Did that all really happen? 

I couldn't sit here any longer, just to find out it wasn't real. 

Despite the pain it brings me, I manage to gently swing my legs out of bed, allowing all of my weight to go onto my good leg. 

With a grunt, I push myself off the bed. 

The world spins for a moment, and I'm suddenly afraid the food I ate was about to make a reappearance, but after a moment, the feeling passes. 

The weight of the brace on my leg took me by surprise. 

I wasn't expecting it to feel like this, it made me feel awkward to stand. 

I picture Raven wearing her brace and how she walked with a cane for most of the beginning. That's probably why they are getting me a chair to use. I wasn't going to let that stop me from finding out if I was just going crazy. 

I use my hand to balance myself on the bed as I took my first step. I buckle a little at the small amount of pain, it was nothing really, just unexpected at best. I had dealt with worse in the past. 

It was difficult to take the next step as I was slowly running out of bed space. It was probably going to be harder to walk when it came to not having something to hold onto. 

Suddenly I am distracted from walking. 

A small breathy gasp from the doorway makes my head snap right up. 

For the millionth time today, I feel my body freezing and my chest exploding with warmth/ 

It was Bellamy. 


	9. Chapter Nine

 

 

 

 

  

Chapter Nine:

"Clarke?" 

Bellamy's voice rings out over the small distance between the two of us. The sound echoed in my head and stopped the breath in my lungs. It felt as if my whole body had stopped at the sight of him.

He was really here.

He looked alive and healthier than I had ever seen him, even more than he did on the first day back on the ground. The worry lines that seemed to be permanently etched onto his face, were no longer as prominent as they were. His cheeks were fuller and his eyes brighter. I also noticed that even though he had been living in space for the past four years, the tan he always had, was still there. 

He took a step further into the room, his eyes flicking over my entire body. The same thing I had seen him do to Octavia, trying hard to make sure that I was uninjured. 

His eyes lingered on the brace and his eyes darkened for a moment. I could read in his eyes that he was not happy with how I was treated. I'm not sure if he even knows the full extent of the problems, but it seemed enough to make him mad. 

"You're really here?" The words slipped out of my mouth without me even thinking. 

Bellamy's eyes snapped back up to mine. His mouth open, as if shocked to hear me speak. 

I limp forward, ignoring the pain in my leg as best as I could, but a whimper still escaped against my will. 

Suddenly he was at my side, his arm coming to rest around my waist, allowing me to take pressure off of my bad leg. 

"Jesus, Princess." Bellamy manoeuvres me back onto the edge of the bed. "I see you haven't lost that stubborn trait of yours," Bellamy says shakily to me. I could tell he was trying to still make sense of this, and his use of humour showed that he couldn't quite get over it. 

His words still make me blush. To anyone, I would blame the blush on him joking at my expense, but to me, I know it was the use of my old nickname. 

Back on Earth, I wondered if I would ever hear it again. 

"Like you would want me to," I whisper, leaning my head on his shoulder as he joined me on the bed. 

I could feel tears in my eyes as Bellamy slowly brought his arms up to wrap around me, pulling me against him. I brought my hand up to fist through his shirt, allowing me to feel the heat of him under my hands. 

For some reason, it made him feel more real and solidified in my mind that I was not just dreaming. 

"I missed you so much," I whisper into the fabric of his clothing. "For a while, I believed I wouldn't see you again." His hand came up to stroke through my hair, his fingers twisting through the shorter length. 

I felt him laugh breathlessly. "Clarke- I thought you were dead... I thought I left you behind to-" Bellamy's voice brakes before he could finish the words. 

I pull him tighter against me, the tears in my eyes finally flowing freely. "Don't feel guilty, you did what was best... if you had waited any longer, you would all be dead," I say softly.  I could almost feel the guilt radiating off of him. 

I could feel him shake his head. "I don't care- Clarke, you have no idea how hard it's been-" He rests his head against mine, "I could hardly live with myself, believing you dead." His hand stills in my hair. 

We sit in silence for a moment or two, just listening to the sound of each other's breath. 

Then the words come to me. "I'm proud of you." 

I feel Bellamy stiffen for a moment, and I could picture in my mind, the confused look on his face.  

I pull back slightly, not moving my arms from where they have wound around him. "You lead with your head and your heart, you kept them all alive, Bells."  I move one hand to come up and touch his cheek. 

The feel of his beard against my skin feels foreign, but not unliked. "Clarke, they more or less kept me alive, the first two years were- they were bad... I couldn't get over losing both you and possibly Octavia-" Bellamy was trying very hard to get the words out, I could tell he was struggling. 

I watch as tears start to fall down his cheeks, slightly wetting my fingers as they go. "I can't lose you again, Clarke." He breathes out, closing his eyes to hide the pain in them.

It hurt to see him like this. It was odd to see someone other than my family, get so emotional over me, I wasn't quite used to it after all this time. It made something inside of me feel warm. 

I bring my other hand up until I am framing his face with my hands. "Bellamy. I am right here... you are not going to lose me again." He lets out a shaky breath, he leans down to rest his forehead against mine then brings his arms up around my waist. 

"I won't let you." He states. "Next time you go off to do something dangerous, I'm not going to listen when you tell me to stay behind." The statement makes me laugh slightly. 

"That's not going to be happening any time soon, Bell. So let's just take this time to actually live without war or death." I say with a breathy laugh.  

He makes a small nodding movement with his head. "I don't think I've ever been around you when we weren't in some sort of life or death situation." He jokes. 

"Believe me, I'm not that different," I say, thinking back to my time before becoming one of the 100.

Bellamy pulls back to look at me. 

"I'll be the judge of that, Princess." 


End file.
